Sciatica, it's Physical Pains and Spiritual Comforts

I am currently experiencing sciatica these past few weeks. No, I won’t be talking about the medical definition, symptoms and treatments of sciatica. I want to share my insightful experience with this pain and how it is, surprisingly, making me a better Muslimah, In shaa Allah.

  Sciatica feels like a burning sensation at my sacral region with radiating pain down to my left thigh, sometimes some numbness reaches my left foot. It doesn't feel like muscular pain. It’s a nerve pain that is why ointments don’t seem to work. Not even Norgesic works for me so I just stopped taking it. It’s painful to bend and stretch my back. I have to walk slowly, sit and stand very carefully so that I don’t put much pressure on my lower back, buttocks and thighs. Even when I lie in bed, it’s hard to find a comfortable position. There’s a piercing pain whenever I turn or try to get up. When I pray, I can only stand and sit. I cannot make ruku and sujood. Yes, that’s how painful it has become that it limited my daily activities.

  I would like to believe that I have a high pain tolerance but this sciatica is frustrating me. In fact, I started thinking that what if this pain never goes away, or what if it gets worse in time, or what if it paralyzes me in the future. What shall I do? What will happen to me? I am only 35 years old. How will sciatica change my life and our plans of getting pregnant? These thoughts really scared me. How do I live with sciatica for the rest of my life? Is Allah punishing me with such pain?

  I observed that as days passed, I seem to be getting used to the pain. It does not subside but it has flare-up episodes, especially at night. It’s like, I know it’s painful to move but I move anyway because I have no other choice. Getting used to the pain or getting immune to it is me adapting to the pain or better yet me managing it. I learned to squat whenever I reach for something low. I turn my body 360 degrees when I try to reach with my arms. I sit and stand upright. I sleep with a pillow between my knees. Sciatica has trained me to maintain good posture which I used to neglect out of plain habit. Now, I have become more conscious about my posture and reaching techniques, which is what doctors do recommend.

  Sciatica has become a wake-up call. It has reminded me to be more appreciative of how I lived without pain before sciatica. I could practically do everything I would have wanted. I should have exercised everyday, i.e., do crunches, sit-ups, jogging, biking, dance zumba. I could have made myself more fit physically before but I didn’t out of mere laziness. We only regret after receiving the consequences of our actions or in my case, my inaction. How I wish this pain goes away soon so I can start getting back in shape. Sciatica is my body’s signal to me that I have neglected my body long enough that it has deteriorated, thus causing me pain.

  As I reflect on my painful situation, sciatica has made me more grateful to Alllah. I am so grateful that I felt sciatica just now and not before or during the time that we went on Hajj last July-August of this year. It would have been excruciating if I were to walk 15-20 minutes going to Masjid-al-Haram and walking another 15-20 minutes going back to the hotel. It would have caused a lot of inconvenience to my companions, as well. It would have been very difficult for me to lay on the mat in Mina for four nights and walk 2 hours to and from the Jamarat. Alhamdulillah, I did not experience sciatica during those times.

  Another thing that makes me very thankful to Allah is knowing that every hardship and every pain we experience in this life is an expiation of some of our sins. How relieving is that, right? By feeling this pain, I pray to Allah all the more to heal and cure me, to forgive me for the sins I have committed in the past, if ever this serves as punishment for them. I, especially, recite Al-Fatiha more than ever whenever I feel the pain as I have learned that Al-Fatiha is one of the surahs that is recommended to recite to alleviate pain and sickness during the time of the Prophet (SAW). Each recitation certainly adds to my good deeds, In shaa Allah. I get to concentrate more during my salah as I earnestly recite every surah and dhikr. Before, it's inevitable that my mind wandered while praying salah because of worldly distractions. But now, I am more concerned and affected by each action I make.

  This pain is actually a reminder that I am vulnerable and sickness can hit me anytime, anywhere. By feeling this pain, I become more aware of my mortality. I set aside all the temporal things that preoccupy my mind and I focus more on what’s essential for my existence and in this life. I forget about my wish list in Zalora and Lazada, and my unnecessary what ifs in the future. I now dwell more on what can make me feel better and make me fitter. I focus more on the present and what's  happening now, rather than the future, which is really uncertain for everyone. I question myself if I were to die today, have I done enough to please Allah and if I am worthy of Jannah.

  This pain I am feeling right now is a blessing from Allah. In shaa Allah, I am getting more benefit from it in the Hereafter. By feeling this pain, I get to reflect more on my relationship with Allah (SWT) as my Creator and the only One I can turn to and ask help from. Allah is the only One Who can cure me. As a result, I make more effort in pleasing Allah (SWT) and strive to make up for my neglected times of worship. Thus, aside from atoning for my bad deeds, feeling this pain is adding to my good deeds, In shaa Allah. Alhamdulillah. Sciatica is more beneficial to me than I initially thought it to be. Instead of looking at it as a painful punishment, I find comfort in knowing that this sciatica is a blessing of relief from Allah (SWT) unto me, In shaa Allah. Alhamdulillah, indeed, for everything. Even in pain, we find God's wisdom to enrich us as believers of His Infinite Mercy. Alhamdulillah.

THE MORAL LIFE OF A MUSLIM

I've read this entry somewhere around 10 years ago and wrote it in my journal. Each year that I change my journal, I copy this entry so that I do not miss to read it repeatedly whenever I open my journal. It served as a reminder of my purpose and motto in life. May it serve as a helpful reminder for you too, In shaa Allah.

"The moral life of a Muslim will always be filled with godliness, piety, righteousness and truthfulness. He will live in the world with the belief that God alone is the Master of all; that whatever he and other men possess has been given by God; that the powers he wields are only a trust from God; that the freedom he has been endowed with is not to be used indiscriminately; and that it is in his own interest to use it in accordance with God's Will. He will constantly keep in view that one day he will have to return to the Lord and submit an account of his entire life. The sense of accountability will always remain firmly implanted in his mind and he will never behave in a carefree and irresponsible way."

Another Marriage Advice... Because Maintaining a Happy Marriage is that Important!!!

Marriage is something that the husband and the wife have to work on each day. It is not an easy task to stay married without quarreling or throwing tantrums sometimes. This is normal for all couples. We cannot stay happy all the time. However, we must realize that the not-so-happy moments in marriage can be remedied if we only try to solve them with a clear and open mind. Here are some tips and reminders that might help when you will feel like your marriage is at the brink of crumbling. We just need to be reminded that nobody is perfect and that we are all persons who are still learning to improve in our relationships.

(1) NEVER STOP COURTING!

Never stop dating. Never ever take your spouse for granted. When you got married, you assured each other that you would own each other's hearts and fiercely protect each other. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. You chose each other, for better or for worse. Never forget that and never ever get lazy in your love.

(2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART.

Just as you committed to protect each other's hearts, you must also guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully. Love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your spouse. Keep that space always ready to receive him/her and invite him/her in and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

(3) FALL IN LOVE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

You, as a person, will constantly change. You're not the same persons you were when you got married. Certainly, in five years, you will not be the same persons you are today. Change will come, and in that, you have to re-choose each other everyday. Always fight to win each other's love just as you did when you were still in the courting stage.

(4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST IN YOUR SPOUSE.

Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see are the reasons to be bugged. If you focus on that you love, you can't help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man/woman on earth to have this woman/man as your spouse.

(5) IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX YOUR SPOUSE.

Your job is to love your spouse as he/she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if he/she changes, love what he/she becomes, whether it's what you wanted or not. He/she is his/her own person with a brain and a heart. His/her growth as a person is all up to him/her. When he/she needs your advice, you may do so but you do not dictate to him/her how he/she should be, and vice-versa.

(6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY!

You are responsible for your own emotions. It's not your spouse's job to make you happy, and she cannot make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that, your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love. It is how you see the world that will make your world. Your spouse will not be the one to make your world for you.

(7) NEVER BLAME YOUR SPOUSE IF YOU...

get frustrated or angry at him/her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and it's YOUR responsibility. When you feel those feelings, take time to have presence of mind and to look within yourself. Then, understand what it is inside of YOU that is missing or lacking and if it's asking to be healed. Self-evaluation and self-healing is very important so that you understand what is triggering all your negative emotions. That way, your spouse does not become a victim of your negative emotions.

(8) ALLOW YOUR SPOUSE TO JUST BE.

When your spouse is sad or upset, it's not your job to fix it. It's your job to hold your spouse and let him/her know that it's going to be okay. Let him/her know that you hear her, and that he/she is important and that you are that pillar on which he/she can always lean on. The female is about change, emotion and hormones. Sometimes, they cannot understand their own emotions due to crazy hormones. And the male must remain strong and unjudging so that she will trust him and open her soul to him. Don't run away from each other. Both of you must communicate when things cool down.

(9) THERE'S A RIGHT TIME TO BE SILLY.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Make each other laugh. It excites happy hormones. Laughter makes everything else easier. Making the wife laugh is a sure fire way to let her forget what she is mad about.

(10) FILL YOUR SPOUSE'S SOUL EVERYDAY.

Learn each other's love language. After years of being married to each other, you as  a couple will become familiar with each other's body language. You would know just by a stare or a caress, how the other one is feeling. Use this body language to make each other feel important and validated and cherished.

(11) BE PRESENT.

Make sure that you give each other not only your time, but also your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with each other, you are fully with each other. Treat your spouse as you would your most valuable client because he/she is. He/she is supposed to be the most important person to you, and you wouldn't want to lose him//her.

(12) AVOID BEING AN IDIOT.

You will make mistakes! But try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones that you make. You may talk about it, process how it happened, admit you made it, ask for forgiveness and promise yourself to avoid doing it again. You're not supposed to be perfect, just try not to be stupid by committing the same mistake twice or thrice.

(13) GIVE EACH OTHER SOME SPACE.

We all need space at some point in our marriage. Sometimes, we just need to take a break and evaluate the relationship from the outside, just to be able to renew ourselves somehow and get re-centered. We need to find ourselves from getting lost inside a relationship. This results to a healthy relationship because one could avoid being totally dependent on the other, and one can avoid blaming the other for everything that's happening in his/her life. Your spouse should not be your whole life because if something goes wrong, you will naturally blame it all on your spouse. In short, have a halal social life outside of your marriage. This breaks the boredom in marriage.

(14) ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE VULNERABLE.

You don't have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings. Your spouse will not judge you immediately. You must both be open to each other and be willing to learn from each other so that you can make your relationship better. It's called a 'relationship' because you must be able to relate to each other, i.e., to understand what the other is going through, to tolerate your differences and to sympathize with each other.

(15) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT.

It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let someone in when you don't know if he/she will like what he/she finds. Part of that courage is allowing your spouse to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. Drop the mask and be honest to your spouse. However, if there is a mar in your character, then know that it is for your own good to reform yourself for the better.

(16) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER.

It is expected that as individuals, you have your own individual goals for yourselves. Make sure that as a couple, you find common goals, dreams and visions to work on. This makes your partnership stronger and more productive. Set goals for the next five years or so. Dream together what you want to have or to be in the future. Envision your future to be so much better than your present so that you get to inspire each other.

(17) DO NOT WORRY ABOUT MONEY.

Although financial stability is important for survival, money should not become a big issue in your marriage. Money is like a game. Find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when the teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons' strengths to win. Also important is budgeting. Do not spend more than what you earn. This will make everything easier. If you want something, which is out of budget, then save up for it. Do not sacrifice the basic needs for unnecessary wants. 

(18) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY.

Forgiveness is freedom -- freedom  from the hurt and the pain that will build up while you do not forgive. The moment that you forgive, you give your spouse the chance to make up for his/her mistake. You give each other the chance to heal and move on. Learn to forgive as soon as the other admits to his/her mistake. Do not prolong his/her agony by giving him/her the silent treatment longer than necessary. Know that your spouse will keep hurting too while you do not forgive.

(19) NEVER BLURT OUT YOUR MARRIAGE ISSUES TO OTHER PEOPLE.

This doesn't help, most of the time, especially when you tell your issues to the wrong people who do not really know how to handle such situations or worse yet, he/she is also in a miserable marriage. Not everybody is contented with their own lives, so spare yourself from letting others know about your own discontentment. It is best if you consult a marriage counsel or read relationship books, which can give you more helpful and constructive advices on your particular situation. This can clear your mind and lessen your being emotional about the situation, which sometimes result to a disastrous separation.

(20) ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LOVE FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH, FIRST AND FOREMOST.

If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices in your marriage is governed, there is nothing that can threaten the happiness of your marriage. Know that your marriage is Allah's divine decree. The way you handle this greatest blessing is an expression of your gratefulness to Allah. So, take good care of it and always remember that every good deed, every expression of love and care you show to your spouse, is part of your worshipping Allah. Be patient with a beautiful patience so that love will always endure.

10 signs of good manners

Some people just need to be reminded of good manners. At times, people's bad habits seem to be acceptable for others because we got used to them. Let's learn some good manners to practice for the rest of our lives so as not to influence others with our bad habits. And please, let's always check ourselves to stop continuing our bad manners.

10 SIGNS OF GOOD MANNERS:

1) Little arguing

As much as possible, you always try to avoid any argument when speaking with people. You do not have to impose your opinions and beliefs on others. You just have to recognize that each of us has a different perspective on things and events, basically because we have different experiences and we come from different backgrounds. You can be opinionated but, at all costs, you do not become disrespectful or self-righteous.

2) Listening well

A good listener is well-respected because he knows when it is the best time to not speak and just listen to what the other one has to say. You should know when and how not to interrupt the time given to others to express their side or opinion. Being able to listen well is also an opportunity for the listener to learn from other people's knowledge, wisdom and experiences. As a good listener, you give yourself the time to ponder, weigh and analyze things more appropriately and constructively. 

3) Avoiding searching for shortcomings

Indeed, the person who only sees the goodness of people is such a blessed being. The positivity of your vision creates a positive impact in your life and in your world. You do not allow yourself to see a shortcoming of others because you do not want others to do the same to you. You are well-aware that shortcomings are natural to every human being, and pointing them out does not make yourself any better than the other person. So, you simply ignore the shortcomings and let them pass because, perhaps, they do not really concern you and you simply should not be bothered by them.

4) Covering mistakes

Telling others about people's mistakes is a disease that you should eradicate from your system. Mistakes could happen out of ignorance, lack of judgement or clumsiness and many other reasons.  These mistakes could have happened because of many factors affecting a certain situation, which you may not be aware of. Telling them to other people does not autocorrect the mistakes. Instead, it is better to cover the mistakes of others so that it does not lead to making mistakes of your own like backbiting and slandering.

5) Finding a good excuse

Always give the benefit of the doubt to other people before judging them or their actions. As much as possible, you find a possible excuse for other people so you avoid making an insignificant action or event grow into a big issue. When you find a good excuse, then you stop worrying and overthinking about it and just end it in that good excuse.

6) Patience when annoyed

There is no better virtue than patience at a time when you are almost losing your cool. It gives you the time to evaluate the situation and re-think what you can say or do so that you do not regret it afterwards. Getting annoyed by people or by a situation is something you might not be able to control. However, how you react to them is what you can certainly control. So, you must always make sure to practice a lot of patience all the time.

7) Blaming one's own self, and not others

Blaming only yourself of something that happens to you is the most mature thing that you can do. It makes you a responsible person. This is not necessarily negative. In fact, you can make it into something constructive by opening your mind and re-analyzing everything that happens and make it into an opportunity to be able to correct your own mistakes and strive to not do it again. In the end, blaming yourself will make you a better person.

8) Seeing one's fault rather than other people's faults

You know that you yourself alone is a complicated being. You cannot anticipate everything that you do. There's too much happening to you and too many things going on in your life. You have so many decisions to make, so many things to say and do. So, you do not bother seeing other people's faults. It is none of your business. Your business is yourself. You know that you should be more concerned about your own faults and try to reform yourself to become a better person.

9) Having a beaming face with the young and old

Smiling itself is charity. You start your day with a smile. You know that it is for your own well-being. It brightens your day. And when you smile at other people, your positivity reverberates unto them. They feel the warm welcome from your side. Your happiness radiates and it has a positive effect upon others.

10) Saying kind words to those who are below and above one (with regards to religious knowledge, righteousness, social status, and so forth)

Kindness is goodness. You are kind when you don't allow yourself to become a source of struggle or difficulty for other people. Instead, you are the one reaching out to help them or make their lives easier somehow. You grab every opportunity to be of help and be a source of ease for others, whether you can benefit from them or not in any way, you are not selective.

YOU

This is a poem every student of life must read not just once, but over and over again.

YOU

by: Edgar Albert Guest

You are the fellow that has to decide

Whether you'll do it or toss it aside.

You are the fellow who makes up your mind

Whether you'll lead or will linger behind

Whether you'll try for the goal that's afar

Or just be contented to stay where you are.

Take it or leave it. Here's something to do!

Just think it over -- it's all up to you!

What do you wish? To be known as a shirk,

Known as a good man who's willing to work,

Scorned for a loafer or praised by your chief,

Rich man or poor man or beggar or thief?

Eager or earnest or dull through the day,

Honest or crooked? It's you who must say!

You must decide in the face of the test

Whether you'll shirk it or give it your best.

Nobody here will compel you to rise;

No one will force you to open your eyes;

No one will answer for you yes or no,

Whether to stay there or whether to go.

Life is a game, but it's you who must say,

Whether as cheat or as sportsman you'll play.

Fate may betray you, but you settle first

Whether to live to your best or your worst.

So, whatever it is you are wanting to be,

Remember to fashion the choice you are free.

Kindly or selfish, or gentle or strong,

Keeping the right way or taking the wrong,

Careless of honor or guarding your pride,

All these are questions which you must decide.

Yours the selection, whichever you do;

The thing men call character's all up to you!

A Wisdom or Two or Three on Marriage

            I am no marriage expert but with my five years of experience as a married woman, I think I have learned a few lessons that are worth sharing and teaching brides-to-be and newlyweds. So, here goes…

            First off, from the very beginning, believe that marriage is a blessing, always a blessing. You see, there is no more special bond between a man and a woman than being married. As a husband, you assume the role of a protective father, a dependable brother, a sincere friend and a lover to your wife. The same is true for the wife, you can assume the role of a loving mother, a supportive sister, a trustworthy friend or a lover depending on what the situation requires. In marriage, you become the closest person to your spouse, thereby opening so many opportunities to become a blessing to your spouse.

            When you think of marriage as a blessing from God, you make it worth cherishing every moment. It is something you will thank God for. It becomes a positive thing in your life. You make it worth saving when the time comes that it becomes troubling. Marriage becomes something you don’t want to lose just like all the other blessings in your life such as your health, your wealth, your family, your business or your job. You would never want to lose any of those, right?

            Now, when you consider your marriage as a blessing, always remember the ayah in the Qur’an that tells us to “treat your spouses like your garments”. That is how you treat your spouse, like your garment. What does that entail? How do you treat your garment? You wash it and you iron it. You want it to appear as clean, as pristine as possible. That’s how you should present your spouse to others, as pristine as possible, not a speck of dirt or impurity on him or her. That’s the only allowable thing you can talk about him or her. What does your garment do to you? It covers you. So, cover his or her shame and secrets too. Do not ever reveal them to others, not even to your mother or your father. What else does your garment do to you? It protects you from the heat or the cold. That’s what you do to your spouse. You protect him or her from those who talk or act against him or her, those who want to harm him or her. You take good care of his or her reputation, no matter what. You protect him or her. If you, the closest person to him or her will not do that, who will? You are a garment to him or her, like a second skin. That’s how close you should be to your spouse. That’s what God wants you to become as a spouse, to do as a spouse, as husband and wife. Be like garments to each other.

            The second wisdom I want to share is loving your spouse for the sake of Allah. This should be the primary reason why you love your spouse, not for any other reason: not for money, for education, for inheritance, for achievements or what not. All other reasons have loopholes, which under many circumstances can make the marriage vulnerable to degradation. But when you love your spouse for the sake of Allah, you know that you are pleasing Allah. And in pleasing Allah, you know that you are gaining good deeds and you are rewarded in the Hereafter. Whenever you make your spouse feel good, you please Allah. That’s a good deed. Whenever you cook for him food or treat her in a restaurant of her choice, you gain another good deed. Whenever you give him or her gifts that delight him or her, you gain another good deed. Whenever you greet him or her with a big smile and a loving hug, you have another good deed. Whenever you serve him or her, that is additional good deed. In your mind, you are serving Allah. When this is your mentality, every single time he or she asks favor from you, you will never get tired or be lazy of serving your spouse because you are reminded that it will please Allah and Allah will reward you for it. At the same time, it improves your marriage to a greater degree every time you  please each other, delight each other and serve each other. An eagerness to serve is implanted in your hearts, which grows every time it is watered with good deeds. The husband treats his wife like a queen and the wife treats her husband like a king. Imagine if we all think that way and act that way towards our spouses. Ma shaa Allah, wouldn’t we all have happy marriages and happy families? So much good deeds which can be done just in the comfort of our homes. And such behavior gets passed on towards our children and to their children and then to their children’s children. How happy the world would be, if only we love for the sake of Allah.

            Reality check! There will always be problems, which arise in all marriages, always, always, always. Now, remember the ayah in the Qur’an which states that Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear. You got married to each other. You are destined for each other. You make things work. You make your marriage work. If you come to a point when you think that your spouse becomes a burden or your marriage becomes burdensome, remember that you were given that burden by Allah who created you, and Allah knows you more than yourself. Know that Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear. Therefore, apply the law of transitivity! If a=b and b=c, then a=c! Therefore, your spouse is a burden that you can bear. Your marriage is a burden you can bear. Just have patience and faith. You can make it work. Do not give up so easily. Do not, for a second, think that you cannot take it anymore or that you’ve had enough. That should not be the attitude of a Muslim. When your spouse or your marriage becomes a test for you, don’t fail it. Don’t fail yourself. Strive and struggle, if you must.

            What do you do when you have a test? You prepare for it. You study hard. You research as much as possible. You should do the same with your spouse and your marriage. You prepare by seeking advice about marriage from learned people, like from an aleem or aleema. You study by reading the Shari’ah about the rights and duties of the husband and the wife. You research by finding all possible halal ways of resolving your problems and finding out what’s the best compromise the both of you can do for your marriage to work. Exhaust all possible halal means to save your marriage, to avoid failing yourself, to bear the burden, to pass the test and to ultimately, please Almighty Allah at all costs.

            The third wisdom all married couples must learn is to never let your pride get in the way of a happy marriage. Pride spoils any situation, especially when it involves a husband and a wife. Unfortunately, this is something that happens in many young couples and even in old couples who still haven’t learned it yet. Where does your pride come from? Remember Iblees, the Devil? He is the very first creature who expressed his pride in the history of God’s creation. When Allah ordered the angels and Iblees to bow down to Adam, everyone bowed down except for Iblees. Why? Because of pride, not towards Allah but towards Adam. Iblees, a jinn, thought of himself to be more superior compared to Adam, a man. Iblees was made from smokeless fire while Adam was made from dustless soil or earth. Iblees was created before Adam was created. So, why should Iblees bow down to Adam? Because the Almighty Allah, the Creator, ordered so. Iblees and the angels are not bowing down because they are lower beings than Adam. They ought to bow down because Allah, their Creator, said so. Bowing down to Adam is an act of obedience to Allah, if only Iblees first thought of that, instead of letting pride poison his heart and instead of being self-centered. But Allah knows Best for Allah is the Best of Planners. The lesson here is that, the act of bowing down does not show Iblees’s relationship to Adam, but instead shows Iblees’s relationship to Allah.  The same thing is true in marriage, your relationship with your spouse, whether it be good or bad, reflects a great deal your relationship with the Almighty Allah. You cannot say that you are a good Muslim without being a good husband or a good wife because you know that your marriage is a sacred relationship which Allah has gifted to you.

In marriage, why do we let pride get in the way of a successful marriage? Why do we let pride get in the way of having happy moments with our spouses? Why break our relationships with pride and self-centeredness? Why? Is it because we don’t want the other to win an argument? If the other wins, does it mean you are less intelligent, less smart? Does it affect your self-perception, your self-confidence? Does it make you less of a person if you try to compromise with your spouse or to be the first one to give in or perhaps first to admit your mistake? When your spouse makes mistakes, why don’t you forgive him or her right away? Why prolong the agony and misery? Do you want him or her to suffer emotionally first? Do you want him or her to feel so bad and depressed for the meantime? Excuse me, would you like Allah to do the same to you, i.e., to not forgive you; to make you suffer; or to punish you right away; and to not give you a chance to redeem and change yourself for the better as soon as possible? Don’t you make mistakes yourself? You make mistakes and so does your spouse. You are both human beings. Always remember that pride is a waswas or whisper of Iblees, of Shaytan, of the Devil. It could only come from Iblees and Iblees wants you to feel that pride, so your marriage will fail, so you can fail as a believer of Allah, like Iblees had failed in doing his duty to Allah also. To be overcome with pride is a surefire way to fail as a Muslim.

The first sacred relationship that Allah made for man is marriage, by giving Adam a spouse, his partner in life and in the Hereafter, by giving Adam a wife named Eve. She was God’s gift to Adam. Your marriage is a sacred relationship given by Allah. God gifted you with a spouse. Alhamdulillah! Would you spoil it with pride, the ultimate trait that made Iblees fail in his obedience to Allah? Don’t! By all means, don’t! Instead of letting pride get in the way by focusing on the negative traits of your spouse and how you can get back at him or her, why don’t you just let the grace of Allah be the center of your marriage by focusing on the good rewards you will receive through your relationship with your spouse by being more patient, more tolerant, more understanding and more forgiving. Be the first to initiate how to find a solution. Be the first to compromise. Be the first to listen. Be the first to forgive, the first to say that you are sorry. If it’s not your fault at all, then be the first to open up the communication lines and make both of you understand the issue or the problem, its causes and the solutions or options you can do so the problem doesn’t blow out of proportion or won’t repeatedly happen like a vicious cycle. Forget self-pride. Don’t let pride spoil your marriage. Communicate with your spouse with an open mind and a soft heart.

To the couples-to be and newlyweds, give yourselves the greatest gift and most beautiful favor of your lives and have a happy marriage that serves as a sacred blessing to you both husband and wife by loving your spouse first and foremost for the sake of Allah and by removing pride in the beautiful canvass of your marriage. Have a blissful and blessed married life!

A message to a bride-to-be

"A message to a bride-to-be" is dedicated to a very good friend of mine who was recently married to her highschool sweetheart. This comes from my heart.

"We're so glad that you finally found your "forevermore." Patience is indeed a virtue, especially when it comes to love and marriage. My advice for you is that whatever happens, you must always remember to be a blessing to your husband. In reality, marriage has its fair share of good times and bad times. By striving to be a blessing to him, you can tolerate the incompatibilities that may arise between the two of you; you can overcome the struggles; you can overlook the shortcomings; you can learn to compromise your differences. Being a blessing means being his happiness. Be the kind of happiness that will make him forget his worries and melt away his troubles upon coming home to you. Be the kind of happiness that will mold him into becoming a better person than he was before you got married. It will not be easy but it will definitely be worth your effort. Strive to be his "piece of heaven on earth." Be his most beautiful blessing and he will in turn be your best answered prayer, with God's grace. Wishing you both a happy ever after and always keep God at the center of your marriage."