I am currently experiencing sciatica these past few weeks. No, I won’t be talking about the medical definition, symptoms and treatments of sciatica. I want to share my insightful experience with this pain and how it is, surprisingly, making me a better Muslimah, In shaa Allah.
Sciatica feels like a burning sensation at my sacral region with radiating pain down to my left thigh, sometimes some numbness reaches my left foot. It doesn't feel like muscular pain. It’s a nerve pain that is why ointments don’t seem to work. Not even Norgesic works for me so I just stopped taking it. It’s painful to bend and stretch my back. I have to walk slowly, sit and stand very carefully so that I don’t put much pressure on my lower back, buttocks and thighs. Even when I lie in bed, it’s hard to find a comfortable position. There’s a piercing pain whenever I turn or try to get up. When I pray, I can only stand and sit. I cannot make ruku and sujood. Yes, that’s how painful it has become that it limited my daily activities.
I would like to believe that I have a high pain tolerance but this sciatica is frustrating me. In fact, I started thinking that what if this pain never goes away, or what if it gets worse in time, or what if it paralyzes me in the future. What shall I do? What will happen to me? I am only 35 years old. How will sciatica change my life and our plans of getting pregnant? These thoughts really scared me. How do I live with sciatica for the rest of my life? Is Allah punishing me with such pain?
I observed that as days passed, I seem to be getting used to the pain. It does not subside but it has flare-up episodes, especially at night. It’s like, I know it’s painful to move but I move anyway because I have no other choice. Getting used to the pain or getting immune to it is me adapting to the pain or better yet me managing it. I learned to squat whenever I reach for something low. I turn my body 360 degrees when I try to reach with my arms. I sit and stand upright. I sleep with a pillow between my knees. Sciatica has trained me to maintain good posture which I used to neglect out of plain habit. Now, I have become more conscious about my posture and reaching techniques, which is what doctors do recommend.
Sciatica has become a wake-up call. It has reminded me to be more appreciative of how I lived without pain before sciatica. I could practically do everything I would have wanted. I should have exercised everyday, i.e., do crunches, sit-ups, jogging, biking, dance zumba. I could have made myself more fit physically before but I didn’t out of mere laziness. We only regret after receiving the consequences of our actions or in my case, my inaction. How I wish this pain goes away soon so I can start getting back in shape. Sciatica is my body’s signal to me that I have neglected my body long enough that it has deteriorated, thus causing me pain.
As I reflect on my painful situation, sciatica has made me more grateful to Alllah. I am so grateful that I felt sciatica just now and not before or during the time that we went on Hajj last July-August of this year. It would have been excruciating if I were to walk 15-20 minutes going to Masjid-al-Haram and walking another 15-20 minutes going back to the hotel. It would have caused a lot of inconvenience to my companions, as well. It would have been very difficult for me to lay on the mat in Mina for four nights and walk 2 hours to and from the Jamarat. Alhamdulillah, I did not experience sciatica during those times.
Another thing that makes me very thankful to Allah is knowing that every hardship and every pain we experience in this life is an expiation of some of our sins. How relieving is that, right? By feeling this pain, I pray to Allah all the more to heal and cure me, to forgive me for the sins I have committed in the past, if ever this serves as punishment for them. I, especially, recite Al-Fatiha more than ever whenever I feel the pain as I have learned that Al-Fatiha is one of the surahs that is recommended to recite to alleviate pain and sickness during the time of the Prophet (SAW). Each recitation certainly adds to my good deeds, In shaa Allah. I get to concentrate more during my salah as I earnestly recite every surah and dhikr. Before, it's inevitable that my mind wandered while praying salah because of worldly distractions. But now, I am more concerned and affected by each action I make.
This pain is actually a reminder that I am vulnerable and sickness can hit me anytime, anywhere. By feeling this pain, I become more aware of my mortality. I set aside all the temporal things that preoccupy my mind and I focus more on what’s essential for my existence and in this life. I forget about my wish list in Zalora and Lazada, and my unnecessary what ifs in the future. I now dwell more on what can make me feel better and make me fitter. I focus more on the present and what's happening now, rather than the future, which is really uncertain for everyone. I question myself if I were to die today, have I done enough to please Allah and if I am worthy of Jannah.
This pain I am feeling right now is a blessing from Allah. In shaa Allah, I am getting more benefit from it in the Hereafter. By feeling this pain, I get to reflect more on my relationship with Allah (SWT) as my Creator and the only One I can turn to and ask help from. Allah is the only One Who can cure me. As a result, I make more effort in pleasing Allah (SWT) and strive to make up for my neglected times of worship. Thus, aside from atoning for my bad deeds, feeling this pain is adding to my good deeds, In shaa Allah. Alhamdulillah. Sciatica is more beneficial to me than I initially thought it to be. Instead of looking at it as a painful punishment, I find comfort in knowing that this sciatica is a blessing of relief from Allah (SWT) unto me, In shaa Allah. Alhamdulillah, indeed, for everything. Even in pain, we find God's wisdom to enrich us as believers of His Infinite Mercy. Alhamdulillah.
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